Diary of a guy just getting by
Dear Journal,
Ok for the record you have to be careful the words you say.
I've got this theory that if a person has been by himself alot he/she can eventually forget how to speak fluently or even just say the right words.
Example would sometimes be I'll ask for a plate and point at it knowing in my head that it is a plate yet it's a bowl something like that.
This poor brain function can be troubling.
Last post I wrote> Diary of... I'm thinking how to end it. Well I know I wrote some depressive stuff but the title wasn't means of saying I wanted to end, just meant I didn't know how to end the line, Diary of?
I did have bad thoughts before I wrote it.
Well like the old man in the Life of Brian, "I'm getting better".
Doing my best to think positive. Doing my best to just be me.
Sat down to a good meal the other night that Michael shouted me, hey I offered to pay but he insisted. I'll always pay him back.
That night was interesting. Had alot of conversation, mostly about my behaviour over the last couple of weeks. He put it all in perspective.
I won't go into what was discussed, that's for him and I and the ribs we ate.
I will however say that to get better I really do have to face up to problems in my life and conquer them and come to terms with others.
Am really trying to face one of them. Who am I and who is Hayden?
Hayden is a well rounded guy. Keeps to himself most if not all the time. Kind to others making them feel welcomed as he would wish to be. Needs to belive more in himself that FUCK YER HE'S THA' BOMB and has the physique to prove it. Ok too far... or too unreal ;)
I guess I've always imagined what are people think about me and so I've, for a good time, have judged myself from another's point of view. Never really stopping and really appreciating who I am to not only others but myself.
Bought myself some clothes the other week to cheer me up and wore them last saturday night after the Vampire game.
Few members went to the pub near the hall and I thought it would be a good opportunity to get out there and start the feeling good with good times process.
Keiran and I went onto the very crowded dance floor to attempt to 'pick up'. I didn't and so didn't Kieran but atleast we gave it a shot.
It was funny though making our way there. Kieran says, shouts, to me, "ok your the better good looking one so they'll come to you, I'll hang behind you so you pick them up".
Didn't know to take it as a compliment or a male testosterone stradegy. That and the first song that came over the sound system was 'JITTA BUG' (Wake me up by George Michael) Keiran and I just laughed immediately at each other. We were about to fall over in hysterics.
I did however had more time to perfect my crowded floor dance moves. Who ever wants to see them will have to ask for a demonstration in the future.
Well next week Vampire is at The Elephant & Wheelbarrow Pub in Paddington. They have a dancefloor there so I guess it'll be fun fun fun.
Getting a new shirt and belt for the night. Thinking of going Brad Pitt Thelma and Louise Cowboy.
I'm not trying to be someone I'm not, just trying to find clothes that I'd look good in. So far tighter jeans.
SERENITY was awesome. I'd hate to say it by damn I love the Reavers even more now. Man they freaked the shit out of me!
So I'm moving forward and trying not to look back. Have to think of all the good qualities I have. What makes me stand taller amongst the rest.
Easy going. Not an arsehole. Newly granted tradesmen. Money in my account, 8 weeks 2 days accrued annuel leave (means I'm a hard worker). Handsome (from what the local ladies tell me). Funny with a bizarre sense. You get the general picture.
Will also use LJ as a means of saying how cool my life is and not use it as a depression posting list.
Here I come ;)
Current Mood: 
rejuvenated ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
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